A toy castle, a toy car, a teddy bear. As children, we made up stories about them, gave them roles, and decided what would happen next. Then we put them aside, to take them out again later, perhaps for a completely different story.
I wonder how much of this we carry with us into adulthood? I’m not thinking of the joy of play, but of those moments when we approach a situation as if we could script every character’s lines in advance.
A different setting, a familiar story
In our work, our relationships and our everyday interactions, we take on different roles. These can help us find our bearings, but we may become so attached to a particular role that we no longer pay attention to the situation itself, but rather to whether it fits in with the story we have imagined.
We might think, for example, that if we do everything right, others will behave as we expect them to. When this does not happen, we may not only feel disappointed: the sense of security we have built on this assumption may also be shaken.
Whilst the setting and the cast may change, we nevertheless find ourselves in the same story all over again. The backdrop has changed, but our expectations, the role we have chosen, and our response have remained the same.
When our rules don’t work
At the games table, we were the ones moving the pieces. In real life, however, other people are not mere props in our story: they have their own free will, their own perspectives and their own decisions.
Realising this can be uncomfortable. Especially if we have, until now, equated safety with controllability. But it is precisely here that an opportunity may arise not only to ask why the game isn’t working, but also to consider what rules we have assumed it follows.
Sometimes, constantly switching roles can even distract us from ourselves. We embark on a new situation without taking a moment to consider what we are carrying over from the previous one. This does not mean that every recurring situation is our fault; however, it is worth examining in which areas we have genuine room for manoeuvre.
Learning a new way
When we stray from the beaten track, we aren’t handed a ready-made map. It may well be that, in this new situation, we later come to recognise a new role or another rigid rule. Even so, we can still learn from it.
For me, therefore, the image of growth is more like a spiral than a straight line. We may return to similar questions, but we can view them through the lens of our new experiences. Learning does not end with school: the knowledge we gain about ourselves and the world can open up more choices for us.
When I say that we create our own reality, I am expressing a spiritual perspective. In everyday life, for me, this entails a responsibility to be mindful of the meaning I attach to my experiences, how I act, and what I get involved in.
This does not mean unlimited control, nor does it mean that we are the cause of everything that others do to us. Rather, it means that where we have a choice, we do not necessarily have to carry on in exactly the same way.
Next time a story seems familiar, it might be worth taking a moment to reflect on it. Am I still playing by the old rules, or am I starting to see other possibilities?
With love,
Georgina
Soul4you